As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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