i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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