walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
