You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
