the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
