We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
