Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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