Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
