I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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