my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
