I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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