you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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