PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
