Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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