i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
