I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
