Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
