I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
