wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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