Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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