he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
