i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
