and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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