Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
