one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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