Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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