Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you had me at cake vodka
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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