dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
