I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
where am i from again
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
