just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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