I think my fart just growled at me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
