I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
