Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
