Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
