you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
