There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
