am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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