rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
