So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
