yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
