just tell him i said nine months
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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