I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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