you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
