she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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