Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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