Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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