So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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