I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
