Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
