i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
