I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
