Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
