mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
