Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
